The Irish Gringo (1935), by William C. Thompson and Pat Carlyle

While Sinister Cinema calls The Phantom Cowboy the worst B-Western in their collection, they call this one the best worst B-Western they have. Well, after the travesty that was The Phantom Cowboy,  I wanted more, and I'm glad that The Irish Gringo delivers the goods. I still can't get over how weird these B-Westerns could turn out to be, when not long ago I viewed this entire genre with nothing but disgust and fear. The Irish Gringo is not nearly as weird or entertaining as Phantom Cowboy, but its raw, uncut cheapness will provide enough belly laughs for you and your whole family for minutes on end. It epitomizes the soul of what cheapness meant to the mid-1930s, but there's also a weird heart lent to the project, even if that heart doesn't always manifest onscreen.

A gang run by the slimy Ace Lewis is running around torturing and killing people who know the location of the Lost Dutchman Mine. Eventually, it turns out that the map is written on a shirt belonging to an old man who has a creeeepy relationship with his granddaughter Sally. When Sally goes on the run with the shirt after her granddad is gunned down, she runs into the Irish Gringo and his two sidekicks, Pancho and Buffalo. By coincidence, the Gringo is already involved with Ace Lewis, as Lewis wants to get a piece of the Gringo's crush Anita. Never mind that Anita is already engaged to a man named Jimmy, and that the lovely Carlotta pines for the Gringo, even if he just views her as a sister. Only by his wit and his reflexes can the Gringo lead us to one of the most hilariously anticlimatic resolutions of all time.

The first thing that strikes you about The Irish Gringo is the idiosyncracies of the script. This is pretty pulpy as far as B-Westerns go, and that means it's a good thing for me. An example of some of the gangster banter: "He's dead! Which one of you bumped him off?" "Me, boss--aw, gee, I just couldn't help it!" This sort of proto-camp carries on into Pancho teasing Buffalo for becoming "a mother," since Buffalo's the one who ends up taking care of Sally the most (thus making him the most likeable character). But the best dialogue emerges as a result of the awkward exchanges Anita and the Gringo shares about the Gringo's heritage. A big deal is made out of the fact that he's half-Mexican, half-Irish, though nothing story-wise emerges from it. I think it's meant to make the movie more romantic--the Gringo talks about how romantic both Mexico and Ireland are--but to modern audiences it's more likely to come across as much ado about nothing. The amount of time the film dedicates to this sort of talk starts to become surrealist humor after a point.

Now, the hero of this film is supposed to be the Gringo, but honestly, I think it's Sally. Sally endures a lot of shit, starting with the creepy grandpa I mentioned above. The old man spends a lot of time saying the same things over and over again to his granddaughter, usually while gripping her shoulders a little too hard. He also undresses her a lot, and never seems to give her adequate clothing. After she escapes him his killers, she spends most of the rest of her screentime being carried around like a sack of potatoes by the Gringo and his crew, who ignore her screams of terror. I know that kids have always gotten the short end of the stick as far as having their wishes respected, but both the Gringo and Pancho seem like cold sociopaths after her screaming reaches its fifth minute. Buffalo is different, because he is competent and has a soul. Note that Buffalo has little to do with that cheapout ending that so throws the honor and integrity of our heroes even further into question; Buffalo is an honest man, even if his coworkers aren't.

But like I said, this movie does have heart. Pat Carlyle, who also the plays the Gringo, technically made this movie twice before, as Call of the Coyote and The Tia Juana Kid. He must have seen something in the story, or at least in the character of the Gringo, aka Don Adios and El Capitan. I don't know what exactly, and I may never know, but for Carlyle's sake I hope he was satisfied with this version. I'd definitely like to track down the other two if it's possible, 'cause Hell, maybe they're even worse! Overall, if you want to see what is the goofiest of the bad B-Westerns I've seen so far, this is the way to go. There are plenty of little bad movie notes I didn't touch on all throughout the runtime, like the weird closeups of faces, or the letter that's written in a Southern accent. Saddle up!